


Armitage Hux's "Early Work"

by Boysnextdoor, Zigzagwanderer



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: 'Cadet' Hux, Anal Sex, Bizarre Cumshots, Cadet Hux, Cake References, Crack Treated Seriously, Daddy Kink, Dicks Just Everywhere, Dom/sub Undertones, Film Festival, Improvised Sex Gloop, Kylo Ren's Philosophical Cock, Kylo in Costume, Kylo's Gigantic Space Worm, M/M, Misuse Of Popcorn and Popcorn Receptacle, More Dicks, Oral Sex, Parallel Play, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Porn Tropes, Porn Watching, Sex Tapes, Tumblr: kyluxhardkinks, troop inspections
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-10
Updated: 2019-10-20
Packaged: 2020-10-14 00:27:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,977
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20591615
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Boysnextdoor/pseuds/Boysnextdoor, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zigzagwanderer/pseuds/Zigzagwanderer
Summary: Prompt from KHK: Kylo finds a sextape where Hux is getting fucked by his superior officers when he was in his early twenties. Kylo confronts Hux about it and they end up fucking while watching it together.





	1. A foiled coup

**Author's Note:**

> This is a collaboration with Zigzagwanderer. Please leave some comments at the end if there was anything you particularly enjoyed, or didn't.

Kylo settled on top of Hux's bed, the bowl of popcorn in his lap. He didn’t even like popcorn. Hux made it as part of the “experience” of “enjoying a film”. Whatever that meant. 

Apparently it meant installing a home theatre in the General’s stateroom.

"No shoes on the bed," said Hux. 

Kylo kicked off his boots. A part of him was impressed with how legit this whole thing was. How did Hux get a holoprojector? The other part was disgusted, nervous, embarrassed even. Who wouldn't be?

Earlier that day Kylo presented Hux with the data disks he recovered after his last mission. A faction within the First Order was planning to release their contents and seize power. This was a terrible plan for a couple reasons. First, Kylo Ren was a mind reader. Second, General Hux didn’t care about their contents being released. Kylo felt his emotions through the force. Hux felt pride, confidence, most of all excitement. 

"I thought I had these destroyed years ago," said Hux. “what a wonderful surprise. You have to watch them with me. This is some of my best work."

Kylo was on a "need-to-know" basis. There were six data disks on the desk, and these were huge storage disks. Like, big enough to hold the death star construction plans. Or the next Starkiller. Or whatever.

"I'm going to get a holoprojector and everything. We can have a film festival! I wonder which ones are on here?"

"I'm not really in to movies."

Hux put one of the disks into his datapad. “Kylo, this is not a movie. This is a FILM." 

He opened up one of the folders on his datapad. All the files were in a video format, not typical for top secret Starkiller plans. Something wasn’t right. Hux played one of the files. 

On the screen Kylo saw the inside of an Officer's stateroom. Not a General's room, someone lower. Someone adjusted the camera a few times. It took forever. 

Hux grabbed the datapad and scrubbed forward. Kylo heard it before he saw it. The wet slapping sound of amateur porn. A repetitive high-pitched moan peppered with: 

"Oh yeah fuck yeah!"s and "daddy harder!"s

Hux's eyes twinkled with nostalgia. “Stars, I was so thin then."

There were six data disks. All filled with “film” of young Hux’s greatest hits. Inside, Kylo screamed. 

Hux insisted on the “film festival”. He started up the first video, and shrugged off his greatcoat. Joined Kylo on the bed and shoved popcorn into his face. Like this was a normal film screening.

Off screen a fake Officer was giving a monologue about troop inspections. On screen two cadets stood in front of the Officer's bed. It was so dumb. 

"That's me," Hux pointed at the only redhead on screen. The two "Cadets" were obviously a little too old to be cadet age but whatever. There were so many things wrong with this video that was not even top ten. 

"The other boy is Thomas. In the videos we called him 'rabbit' sometimes. I don't want to say why. You just- you have to watch." 

Kylo had been tortured many times as part of his training. He found himself tapping into those coping skills. Kylo clenched his teeth so hard he stopped breathing. 

At the same time, Hux was giddy. His eyes sparkled.

The cadets turned around for the inspection. They both lowered their pants, revealing matching jock straps that said "First Order" on the elastic. Okay, those were amazing. Was there like, a site you could order those on?

Hux clocked Kylo’s jaw dropping. “I might still have those- somewhere."

"Okay, cadets," said the “Officer." “For the next part of the inspection you two are going to demonstrate how to thoroughly inspect each other."

"Stars, there's so much talking." Hux seemed inpatient with the literal two lines of dialogue so far. 

They were less than two minutes into the video. 

"I should be drunk for this," Kylo thought to himself.

“I’m glad you’re sober for this,” Hux said. “I was worried you’d be…bothered.”

“Me?”

Kylo wanted to jam popcorn into his ears. And eyes. And nose- Yes, it was Smell-O-Vision Holoporn.

“Er, no. I’m, like, a grown up. I’m totally secure and don’t constantly think I can’t satisfy you sexually. So this is really cool and such a treat.”

“Oh, thank the stars. Because the ‘actor’ playing the part of the ’Officer’ …well, I won’t spoil the plot for you.” Hux giggled coyly and did that thing where you pretend to zip your mouth shut.

It was ironic, because at that moment on the film, Hux had his mouth stretched open like a black hole.


	2. The Buttery Shame-Bucket

“The medical board doesn’t actually measure penile circumference in that way,” Hux whispered educationally in Kylo’s ear. “We took some artistic licence with inspection procedures.”

Kylo watched as his boyfriend worked over the rabbit guy’s chunky cock. There were intense close-ups of Hux’s eyes watering and him slobbering drool everywhere. 

Was it so wrong that this was so hot?

Kylo’s heart screamed YES.

His cock sniggered NO. NOT WRONG? WHAT WRONG MEAN ANYWAY? WRONG IS ARBITARY CONSTRUCT IMPOSED BY SOCIETY.

Kylo petted his cock discreetly. You know, in a philosophical way. 

On-screen Hux finished off Thomas. Probably by doing that flat tongue thing. With the flicky tongue thing. Kylo could tell by the way Thomas pulled a Jabba the Hutt face.

Been there, buddy, Kylo thought. Been there...

The ‘Officer’ gave out some ‘orders’ and there was a hella lot more gulping and guzzling and Kylo watched in aroused horror as his own dearest ginger fuck, the light (!) of his entire existence, sucked some dude dry and moved on to kneel in front of the next 'soldier' in line.

Kylo had the hardest boner of his life. He was disgusted by himself and knew Hux would never forgive him.

An alarm sounded somewhere on the ship. Hux did a sour face and clucked.

“Kriff. I forgot we left Thannison in charge. I keep meaning to promote that cleaning droid over his head. That really reliable, efficient one?”

Since they’d started dating, the sanitation department had never been busier. Hux was like a pump-action come dispenser.

“Oh no. Well, you’d better go do General stuff.” Kylo put the empty popcorn bucket over his crotch. It was super-tall-size but it only just fitted. “I did tons of killing today anyhow. I'm soooo tired.” 

He yawned with plenty of arms and yodelling. What a performance-it wasn’t only Hux that could act, right?

He pecked Hux’s bony cheek. “Think I’ll have some hot milk and an early night.”

“Well, if it’s a pint or so of hot milk you’re after, sweet boy, wait up and Daddy will be back in a jiffy.” Hux wriggled his hips and fluttered the spun caramel of his unfairly gorgeous eyelashes, which were like………... 

(Author’s note-I have a kink for Domhnall’s eyelashes, ok? There- I’ve said it. I have a file saved with like, 2,500 close-ups of them. (sub-file= Dohmnall’s eyebrows.) Don’t judge me. Here’s a couple of the things I’ve called them in fic, so you just go ahead and pick one out and insert it; 

A] lashes the colour of honey-reeds  
B] long filaments of gold  
C] lashes of rose gold  
D] a cage of gold.

...Ok, are we all set?)

But Kylo turned over onto his side, cradling the shame-bucket in his lap. 

What kind of a sick monster was he? 

"Well, I will be as quick as I can be anyway. I wouldn't want to miss all the drama in Act Three."

At this point on the holovideo more "actors" were entering the scene. Whoever choreographed this scene was brilliant in their use of space. There were dicks just everywhere. Lots of tasteful framing of asses. The cinematography was impressive in the way it made an Officer's cabin look spacious. How did they fit all those boys in there? 

Hux looked like he was having the time of his life. He shuffled to the next cadet for "inspection". This cadet was rougher with Hux. He held him by the hair, pulled his head upwards. The cadet swore, gripped Hux so hard he came up off his knees for a second. Other cadets jerked at varying paces while they watched. From a logistical standpoint this was highly inefficient. They should have like, two guys for this. At least. 

The super close-ups of Hux suggested an emotional attachment between the subject and the voyeur. Whoever was directing this piece was interested in Hux more than anything else. That should make Kylo Ren jealous, right? Nope. He felt his cock jerk inside the buttery popcorn bin. 

Hux probably had the director put out an airlock. Kriff, why was that so hot? 

Kylo unbuttoned his pants just enough to free his dick. Not sure how long he was expected to maintain an erection for this event. It would be prudent to save it as long as possible, in case there was a live re-enactment of one of the scenes. 

Onscreen one of the cadets "couldn't wait" and finished on Hux's face. Hux played it off like he loved it. He affected a faux-bubbly persona. "Thank you, sir!" Hux smiled.

A bead of precum dripped slowly down the head of Kylo's cock. He wanted to touch himself so badly. On screen was a confusing mix of eroticism and exploitation. I mean, that's all porn. But it's different when it's your boyfriend? This should not be this hot! Hux was being used. By lots of dudes. S'ing d after d, like a champ. 

"You hungry slut," said one of the cadets. He launched into a diatribe about how "hungry for cock" Hux was. Describing in detail Hux's "hungry" orifices that needed to be "filled". It was unimaginative. A little blase. There were a lot of things about Hux that were erotic during sex. Let's get some dirty talk about freckles, okay? Maybe we can try talking about his eyelashes? 

Kylo shook his head. These damn ‘writers’ had no kriffing imagination.


	3. Pillows and Popsicles

Another torture session was planned.

Or as Hux referred to it excitedly; ‘a lovely night-in for both of us watching me doing holoporn and maybe you can have nachos if you agree to eat them over a wipe-clean tarpaulin, you great messy oaf.”

Ren was dying inside, at the thought of having to sit through his boyfriend blowing another ‘squadron’ on film. 

Outside was a different matter. Outside, his cock was trying to high five him whenever he thought about it.

Hux was so kriffing adorable in these dirty movies. He smiled all the time, unless he had a dick in his mouth, and was full to the brim with youthful ‘joie de vivre’, as well as other men’s come.

Hux looked…happy.

Who knew that seeing a loved-one glad to be alive would be such a turn on? It was mind-boggling.

At the last minute though, Hux had to attend a Weapons Expo on some shithole planet.

“Please, can’t I go too?” Ren whined.

“Absolutely bloody not. You nearly bankrupted the First Order last time. We still have stockpiles of weird prototypes you impulse bought. Like those rainbow light sabers.”

“But they’re so cute!”

“And the life-size battery-powered Death Star. The Batteries were not included.”

“I couldn’t read the small print! I didn’t have my glasses on!”

Hux packed light, throwing a spare FO jockstrap and a couple bottles of vintage rosé into his kitbag. 

He patted Kylo on the head and sashayed away like the goddamn diva he was. Either that or his lingerie was riding up. It was hard to tell from where Kylo was miserably puddled on the floor of their quarters.

After 00.01 seconds, Ren was bored and lonely. 

He kicked the shit out of some droids. Got one of the rainbow lightsabers out of his closet and burned the shit out of some other droids (but in a cute way).

Then he practised making out with a pillow (not creepy). He was just dressing the pillow up in one of Hux’s frilly nightgowns and kind of…making a kind of a hole in it…

(ok maybe things were getting a little bit creepy here), when a comm came through unexpectedly.

“Hello, dear.” Kylo was pretty sure it was Hux. “I felt badly about you missing out on our film show, so I give you permission to watch the next holotape without me. You don’t even have to cover yourself with the tarp for once.”

Ren tried to sound as if; 

[A] he wasn’t about to fuck a Huxillow™, 

and [B] he was capable of watching his soulmate get reamed by strangers without being horrifically aroused by it.

“I miss you.” Ren blurted out, as cushiony pillow filling leaked everywhere. Every time he went to cauterise the hole for his comfort and convenience, he got entranced and distracted by the rainbows. No wonder that prototype hadn’t caught on. 

“Yes, well, er, me too, of course, er, Sweetcheeks.” Hux replied. Then he paused. Ominously. “Is that the sound of cushiony filling leaking out of my back support pillow, Kylo? Out of cock-sized hole(s) you’ve made in my back support pillow?”

Kylo ended the comm.

He was Kylo kriffing Ren. An enforcer. Certified one bad dude. Nobody was gonna tell him or his pillow what to do. 

Kylo Ren cradled the Huxillow next to him on the bed, right where the real General Hux should be sitting. With one of Hux’s F O caps on it’s ‘head’ it looked just as blank-faced as the real Hux. Only more cuddly and approachable. 

Ren was going to enjoy himself. Without Hux he could watch the next holofilm, for ‘research’, as we all like to call it, only without worrying about an accidental boner.   
No one would know he was getting off to this weird amateur porn. No wait, what did Hux call it? “Film”.

Ren unbuckled his pants while the "Major" on screen vented to his private secretary. The Major was unhappy. Dissatisfied. He was behind on his mortgage payments. Whatever. 

Ok real talk; the “Major” was a recognizable figure in the early days of the First Order. Holy shit, he was on the wikipedia page ffs!

The secretarial version of Hux extended empathy, mainly with his tongue. The camera focused on his pink lips sucking the Major’s fingers into his mouth. 

Hux told him he wanted to help the Major. In Whatever Way He Possibly Could. Even without a working knowledge of employment contract legislation, Kylo could tell what the Major needed wasn’t in Hux’s job description. 

Hux claimed he was very experienced, and would show the Major a good time. 

"For the Order”.

The private adjusted his cap while he waited for an answer. Leaned forward over the desk and spread his legs. 

Some things never change. Apparently. Kylo took his dick out but didn’t play with it yet. He had to accommodate the lazy pacing of the “film” (aka the ‘plot’) if he wanted to time his orgasm with the cumshot. 

A gnarled hand pushed Hux's head into the desk with a thud. His red hair shook loose around his face. He adjusted his stance, pushing his hips up and teasing against the Major's crotch.

Hux swallowed, the shape of his throat bobbing against his collar. "Are you going to be rough with me, Major?" It came out like begging. 

Kylo heard the sound of the Major's belt unbuckling, but he was watching Hux on screen.

There was poetry in the sex scenes: Hux biting his bottom lip when the Major thrust forward with his fat cock. "Major, you're big." 

(Kylo disagreed.)

He picked out the bits of Hux that he recognized from the intimacy they shared. 

Hux gripping the edge of the desk, his knuckles white. Hux rocking his hips back, the pale skin of his lower back showing underneath the uniform jacket.

“Sir, you can go harder.” The end was punctuated with a high pitched moan. 

“Shut up. That’s an order.”

“Yes, sir.”

It was something about the way he moved himself, how easily he taunted orders after taking them. Hux tested the hand holding him down, looking for weakness. He wanted to be restrained, to be held down. He wanted someone big and strong to tell him what to do or make him do it. 

Hux was getting off on the rough sex.

In the video, Hux spread his legs to encourage the Major deeper still. His accent was slipping out. “Fuck me harder, Major. Fuck me like you wish you could fuck your wife.”

The Major seemed determined to plow him into the table. Hux made very kind of shitty porn sound effect imaginable, and then some. 

"Sir!” The condensation of Hux's breath clouded the glass desk.

The major thrusted forward with loud smack. Hux's hands slid on the table. 

"That's good, like that," said Hux.

Kylo was so horny for Hux’s needy subservience. Also really guilty about jacking off to his bae getting banged.

His left hand crept onto his dick. His right one took it away.

Leftie flipped Rightie off with a rude gesture.

There was a tussle, one hand grabbing at the big hard dick while the other hand tried to shoo it back to knitting a fucking jumper or whatever. Something productive, you know? Sudoku? Cross stitch?

“This is tearing me apart!!!” Kylo screamed dramatically, tossing his luscious locks like the goddamn tortured anti-hero he truly was. Thanks to Hux’s mirrored ceiling, he totally nailed That Look. 

Meanwhile, the holoporn continued. The Hux on the screen was smeared across the table like a half-melted popsicle, dripping stickily in some places yet rock-hard in others.

“Oh, Daddy,” he moaned, like he was gonna win an award or something. “I’ve been a good boy, haven’t I? Taking your enormous dong so nicely? May I please come now?” Secretary Hux pleaded.

Fuck.

Daddy?!

This was, confusingly, the mother-lode of kinks for almost everyone in Kylo’s world. It was quicker to name the people who didn’t have Daddy Issues in the First Order than those that did.

Because he was special, Kylo even had Daddy AND Grand-Daddy Issues. Possibly a whole Uncle thing going on he hadn’t even brought up yet in therapy. And don’t even get started on him and kindly old Papa Snoke.

“Fuck me, Major Daddy!”

That did it. Ren’s two hands agreed at last to a truce. Shook on it. Leftie started working Ren’s shaft in triumph while Rightie nestled humbly beneath Ren’s balls, squeezing supportively.

Major Daddy forbid Hux his release, which amazingly made Ren’s a whole lot closer.

“Oh Major Daddy!” Hux was really taking a hammering, there were close-ups of his teary, sweaty face getting mashed and his juicy ass quivering with every thrust. “Slap me! I promise not to be naughty again, unless it’s with you, Major Daddy!”

Some loud, lewd smacks interspersed the rhythmic fucking.

“Ouch! Yes! More! Ouch! I’m so bad and slutty!”

Ren frowned a sex frown. Bad, slutty Hux really was the emerging star of this epic.  
He wondered what the next one would bring? Hopefully a bigger budget and a decent soundtrack?

Almost certainly a really 'big part' had been set aside for a certain ginger dohmnut and his sweet hole.

That kriffing director had designs on Hux alright.

“If you’ve irreparably damaged my special pillow I’ll have you thrown out of the airlock..!” 

What no Daddy? 

Continuity errors like that were unacceptable.

But by now Kylo had closed his eyes and was imagining HE was Major Daddy, although with less wrinkly hands and an even bigger dick. 

He ramped up the wrist-action, thinking how he’d look super-cute in that uniform, and…

“Ren! You selfish prick! You knew my pillow was orthopedically therapeutic!”

Kriff, the script of this particular fuck-fest really needed work, Kylo thought. 

But whatever. Kylo was too loyal to himself to stop masturbating now that he had committed to it.

“Ren!!” Hux roared in his face. For real. You could smell the Tie-fighter diesel on his breath. “Stop doing that while I’m yelling at you!”

Kylo stopped.

Fell off the sofa (or was it the bunk? Can't remember so just go with it) with his pants down around his ankles. His erection withered, only really not fast enough.

“I can explain…”

In fact, actual Hux’s actual angry face, so close to his actual come-face, was all Kylo needed to make it to the finish line.

Desperately, Kylo reached for something to shield Hux from the spurts of come that were about to erupt from his cock, in beautiful synchronicity with Major Daddy and Private Secretary Well-Hung Hux who were also orgasming in that visually effective way they do in porno.

“It’s ok! I got this!” Shouted Kylo.

Unfortunately, he had grabbed hold of the Huxillow™, and as he covered his shame with it, that shame pushed right on through the hole in it and emerged on the other side.

Ren’s shining cockhead was all rosy and lightly bearded with cushiony pillow filling. Like Obi Wan Kenobi in his later years.

The sensation of the tightly-holed Huxillow™ was the death-knell for Kylo’s dignity, and he came with a shout, all over actual Hux and screen Hux both. 

Plus over Major Daddy, just for good measure.

“You got this excited while watching my holoporn?” Hux said quietly and somewhat spunkily.

There were many conflicting thoughts passing though Kylo Ren’s mind as he fountained joyously on and on.

His main one being,

If only he had used the tarp.


	4. A Mighty Thwap

Kylo struggled expressing his emotions in a positive way. Locked in the bathroom, sitting on the cold floor in the fetal position was as far as he got. 

Hux's fists pounded on the durasteel door. Kylo was literally reliving one of his least favorite childhood memories. He got in trouble and hid from his parents. Or was it his Uncle? It doesn't matter. This could be another memory to add the the already depressing neural network of shame. 

"Kylo! Open up!"

He could get in the shower. Sometimes that made the yelling go away. 

"I'm not mad at you! Kylo- just open the door."

Hux tried to input the override codes. Kylo kept the door closed tightly with the force. Another useful trick he learned from years of running away. 

Hux was finally granted access to the bathroom. "Kylo? What are you doing?"

Kylo had his best sad puppy face on. 

"Why are you in the shower with your clothes on?"

"Because I'm dramatic."

"Get out of there!"

Hux could be gentle when he wanted to be. He didn't do it very often because he didn't like it. Hux undressed Kylo with the delicacy usually reserved for rotas and sorting his inbox. He toweled off Kylo's hair. Patted his shoulders dry. 

"I thought you were mad at me?"

"Mad at you?" Hux asked. "Love, no. I saw how much you were enjoying my films, and I got excited."

Kylo grit his teeth. The shame of it all!

"I've never seen someone get that excited about my films! About me. Two hands? And a pillow?"

Ugh thinking about Hux being pounded into a desk made Kylo feel some kinda way. Not the time. "Is it weird that I like it?"

"I think it's hot."

This was like, a scene from a porno. The scene right before the two dudes jerk off together, then bang. There would be some line: "No homo" and then five minutes later it would be all homo. 

So obviously Kylo agreed that parallel play was a great idea. He left the selection of the piece to Hux. After all, he was better acquainted with the archives. 

"This one is called 'Doggy style boys 4'. I didn't name it that."

Hux went into detail about the film, its origins, the early creative process and the production. It was like the preface before TCM movies. Kylo was so not into it. It's a kriffing porno. Nobody cares what kind of film they used. But Hux persisted.

There seemed to be no way to stop Hux talking and get him to get down to it.

Ren thought about a training course in shock tactics he once slept through.

“I love you!!” He shouted, just as Hux began a lecture on Structuralist camera angles.

“Oh.” Hux actually put down the pointer. “Do you?”

“Well no,” Kylo shrugged. “But only because, you know, neither of us is capable of experiencing that emotion.”

“Oh. Well, yes.”

“I like you though. In that I don’t want to kill you. A lot of the time.”

Hux blushed. He was quite pretty like that, Kylo thought. With his mouth shut for a few seconds and all.

“Maybe I shouldn’t say this, but I haven’t actively plotted to kill you for about a week.” Hux murmured.

“I guess we’re a couple, then,” Kylo nodded, and turned Hux’s face round to the holovid still playing out in the middle of the room. The ‘plot’ had progressed. Instead of two naked soldiers/actors doing it, there were now three. Hux was the meat in the sandwich. Which is a metaphorical way of saying he had a dick in both ends. 

“Shall we do what they’re doing?”

“Ok.” Hux reached for his holopad. “Shall I summon Mitaka? Or that cleaning droid I’m fond of?”

“Neither.” Ren bit his lip sensuously and threw the holopad out of the airlock. “Let me get the Huxillow™.”

"I can't look at the Huxillow without thinking about how much it cost. It took weeks to get that through the New Republic blockade. Weeks, Kylo."

"Fine! I'll buy you a new one." Kylo kept a list of things he promised to "replace" for Hux. He planned it to be a birthday present but the list continued to grow. Christmas, maybe. 

On-screen, the film transitioned via a spectacular star-wipe to a wide shot accommodating the many dicks slapping into Hux's body. Hux was really going for it. 

An older, more evil version of the sweet twink on camera undressed before him. It was super hot. He did a little striptease and everything. Ruffled his hair. Kicked off his boots. REALLY going for it. 

"I've lost some of my baby fat since those days," said Hux. "a little sharper around the edges. But no worse for wear". His jodhpurs slid down his legs. His too-hard cock hit his stomach with a mighty thwap. "Tell me how you want it, Sir."

Kylo threw the Huxillow off the bed. There was a better hole for him to put his dick in. The Huxillow was still allowed to watch. Kylo wanted some of that sweet ginger nasty. The General left his sock garters on, like a real freak.

Kylo did his best affectation of porn acting. Grabbed his dick. Used the lower register of his voice reserved for daddy kink nights. It was better than most real porn acting. "General, what are you doing?"

Hux sexy crawled across the bed toward Kylo's massive hard on. It was hard to look at anything else. And why would you want to? Kylo's dick was the finest lightsaber in the galaxy. And boy, Hux knew a few lightsabers in his time. The holofilm projected directly behind him showed Hux's strategical genius at work. Hux satisfied three "lightsabers" at the same time. Very impressive for a cadet.

"I'll let you hit it from behind. So you can absorb the finer parts of my performance," said Hux. "this scene was shot in one take, the camerawork is a master-class in filmmaking."

On-screen, one of the Officers came in Hux's mouth. A geyser of come erupted from Hux's mouth while the Officer's hand held his head in place. Come dripped out of the sides of his mouth, down the Officer's shaft, down Hux's face. His red watery eyes looked up at the camera.

For once, Kylo felt himself getting excited about the finer parts of film.


	5. Lights! Camera! Bundt Cake!

“Wait! I almost forgot!” Hux reverse-sexy-crawled back off the bed, which was less enticing, unless you got a kink for screwing a vanilla Bundt Cake. 

_(Author slowly raises hand)._

“I came across my seaman’s chest last night,” Hux called.  
(Honestly, it’s a real piece of old- timey furniture – just go to your nearest antique store and ask.) 

He scurried across the stateroom and stuck his fingers deep into the cavernous wooden orifice. (Yes, really) “And guess what? I found these lovely old souvenirs.”

He threw Kylo the props; Major Daddy’s hat and gloves. “I'm afraid that my 'cadet/secretary' costume didn’t survive me starring in the seven and a half sequels to 'Doggy Style Boys'.”

Hux sighed, remembering. The filming of ‘DSB; Slutty Stormies: Deep Space Sexploration III: Revenge is Sweet (and Sticky)’, had been toughest of the lot. 

So many, many reshoots, from so many, many different angles. 

Kylo put the stiff, suspiciously-stained costume on, and felt himself slip into character. 

“Private Hux, stand to attention!” Kylo put on a phoney posh voice and sat at the desk, crossing his legs. Then he remembered his massive erection and carefully uncrossed them again. 

He handed Hux some paperwork. (It was actually the minutes from the last eight Knights of Ren self-help group meetings. Yawnsville.)

“Please take care of this, using the standard terminal digit filing system.” He was really getting into it. 

Hux looked at him. “Er, Kylo dear, it’s not that kind of role-play.”

“Oh. Right.” Kylo grabbed Hux and bent him so that they could both watch the holoprn while having some light BDSM funtimes. 

He rubbed over Hux’s ass with his palm. “I’m gonna ‘take care of this’ using my very own ‘digit system’.” Kylo promised, slapping Hux’s snow-white butt cheek for emphasis. 

“Script needs work.” Hux commented, wriggling as he felt a couple gloved fingers work at his rim. “But hhmmm…” he groaned as Kylo dipped in. “Ewok leather….there’s really nothing else quite like it.” 

Kylo paused the on-screen porn so the off-screen porn could play catch-up. 

“Kriff,” Kylo muttered, popping in a thumb and giving it a waggle. “I just remembered I went to get more high-viscosity lubricant and accidentally lightsabered the quartermaster droid a bit through some vital circuit-boards and maybe his head came off a bit too.”

Hux looked stricken. But still horny. Here was a man that could juggle his emotions like a cantina whore juggles junk. Which was to say, really well, but only if there was a hefty tip involved.

And one thing his idiot boyfriend had going for him was a truly hefty tip.

“Not 3X11Z, the wise-cracking quartermaster droid?” Hux gasped. (Because of the thumb and three fingers Kylo had just plunged into him.)

Kylo rolled his eyes. “Of course not!” What did Hux take him for? “No. Just that asshole 3X11Y.”

Hux sighed with relief and allowed Kylo to slap his vanilla Bundt a few more times.

Once the jelly had stopped jiggling, Hux narrowed his eyes. “But just to recap, Kylo dearest, 3X11Y’s stupid head came off before he’d given you the groin grease, yes?”

Kylo wanted very badly to say; “We don’t need it.” But the evidence that they did need it was right there, in the form of Kylo’s enormous cock. 

For fuck’s sake, it even had its own character tag on A03. 

“Oh, never mind, it just so happens there was something sticky all over my seaman’s chest. I daresay we can improvise.” 

Hux strode across the room, like he does in those new space movies and whatever. 

“Here.” He scooped up some of the goo and splatted it at Kylo, all sexy-playful, then went back to his usual Huxillow™ face and strode back, this time accompanied by ‘The Imperial March’ by John Williams, only played by a full military marching band (heavy on the sousaphones).

(And before anyone writes in, Hux was aware the March was created for Kylo’s Grandaddy to stomp around to, but seeing as no-one had seen fit to write him a fucking theme tune, he wasn’t above borrowing one, and using ‘What’s New Pussycat?” just hadn’t worked out.)

“Smells familiar…” Hux did a whole sniffy-Peter-Rabbit-thing with his nostrils in the vicinity of Kylo’s gigantic cock. “Kriff! That mystery gloop must be the stuff we used to use on set. Zero Friction, it was called. Came in fifty-gallon drums. Fluorescent for night shoots. The company that made also made a face cream endorsed by Emeror Palpatine, but that wasn’t quite so successful.” 

Hux was misty-eyed. Probably because Kylo had just slipped his knob into him.

The goo tingled. So did Kylo’s balls.

“Kriff.” Kylo gasped, easing himself into Hux. “You’re so fucking tight. It’s like when my facemask-helmet-thing shrank in the wash that time. I can barely squeeze myself in.”

Like that time, Kylo persevered until his head was fully sheathed.

“Private Hux!! You’re incredible!!! Like a vice…. Kriff!!! I feel like coming already, and there’s like so much of me left to stuff inside you!!”

Hux smiled. Put the holovid back on. Kylo’s dialogue was so in tune now. Lots of groaning and exclamation marks. Perfect.

Major Daddy stroked Hux’s balls. Kylo stroked Hux’s balls. Hux was impressed, and vowed never to say so. It was just so natural to Kylo. He was wasted as a cockamamie space wizard when he could’ve had a respectable and lucrative career in holoporn…….

Smirking evilly, Hux leaned sideways, best he could with that gigantic organ skewered into him, and flicked a switch on the vid player. 

Now the device was recording them at the same time as they were watching the hot twink porno. 

Lordy, technology was a wonderful thing.

Kylo was too busy jamming in that last half inch (you know the one we mean, dude) to notice the holovid whirring and clicking.

“Private Secretary!” Kylo barked, the Major hat at a jaunty angle. For once he felt First-Order-style properly powerful, not just like some sad, yet devastatingly handsome sideshow freak. You know, the freak that all the other freaks are jealous of? Because he’s so freaky? 

“Spread your kriffing legs wider!” He commanded, commandingly.

“Hux!” He panted then, in his ‘normal’ Kylo voice, (which was basically whining) “please will you do what Major Daddy says?”

Kylo had a slim grasp on reality at the best of times. These were not the best of times exactly, unless you were Hux’s prostate, in which case the times were pretty fucking fantastic. 

“Major’s Kylo and Daddy!” Hux moaned, a little more gruffly than his younger self was also moaning, but then years of drinking Tie-fighter diesel will do that. “Harder!”

Major Daddy used his hat to spank Private Hux.

Kylo did the same. 

Major Daddy pulled out of holovid-Hux with a wet squelch and threw him on the floor. Gave him back the D. 

And then some.

Kylo also turned General Hux and pushed his tacky thighs up and apart.

Plunged into him like one of those really big space worms plunging into a tunnel on a meteor. Except Kylo’s cock had less gross wormy teeth and spikes. And Hux was a lot smoother a ride than a rocky hole. So, actually, it was a lot more sexy than that analogy implies. 

(Sorry. Listen, sex/space metaphors are tricky, ok? And we used up all the good rocket metaphors in one of our other classy sexfics. What d’ya mean, you haven’t read the other fics? Get on it, dude. Like they are so cool. Really, bro, you’ll love them! But, like Kylo Ren, you need to finish here first, ok?) 

Anyhow, basically they were all beautifully in synch. It was a dance as old as time; poetic, majestic….a double cock tango, if you will. 

Hux was watching himself getting screwed in holoform while actually getting screwed in real life. In his blissed-out brain, the Imperial March boomed.

Hux was Livin’ La Vida Loca, baby.


	6. warm sticky everything

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The last chapter- so, so much inappropriate

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> UGHHHHH finally this is done? It's my fault entirely, please blame boysnextdoor for the late hour of this posting.

“Eyes on me,” Ren grabbed Hux’s face. Their eyes met for a particularly rough thrust. Like, Kylo snapped his hips and did not expect it to feel so goddamn amazing so he kept going. Hux met his movements and let his mouth fall open. 

Onscreen, the camera showed the Major in full shiny uniform. “Major! Harder!” squealed twinky Hux. The Major’s boots squealed against the floor. 

The redhead on the desk squealed in return. “Major!”

“I order you to shut the fuck up!” He had the right idea: lights insults, gruff voice, and the military uniform, but Hux was the real dominant in the scene. Hux kept giving moment-to-moment notes, leaving Major Daddy no room to perform, either sexually or as an actor.  


The Major stopped mid-pounding and stuffed a glove into Hux’s mouth. “That will teach you to-“ he groaned “respect your-“ again- “Superior Officers.”   


The Major was Hux's commanding officer in real life, like many of the dudes in these videos. How did Hux see these guys on a regular basis after filming? The Major literally had half his fist in Hux's ass then put the glove in his mouth. And Hux liked it. Were they cool after? Did they have really impeccable personal boundaries? Did they sit next to each other in meetings? Did Hux take notes? Did they see each other in the hallways? Did Hux pick out a professional and intimate but-not-too-familiar email signature like "Regards, Hux" and then email this guy afterwards? When Hux got promoted and people asked the Major what to get him was he like "oh I don't really know him that well" or was he like "oh I already got him something: This promotion." There were so many questions.   


“Fuck you’re hot,” Kylo slammed forward. Hux arched his back in response. Reached out behind his head for something on the desk to hold on to. Made one of those whines he promised himself he wasn’t going to make anymore. 

Kylo’s attention switched between the holofilm and the real Hux. In the background the Major slammed into Hux at a torturous pace, like too fast to actually enjoy. Kylo gently rolled his hips and watched his slick cock shove into now-General Hux. Enjoyed the drag against Hux’s tight heat. Hux writhed against him on the desk. It was too, too much. 

Kylo grit his teeth. “I- I can’t do this. I’m not a pornstar. I’m gonna come if I keep-“  


Hux pulled Kylo closer against him. “Come on my face Kylo comeonemyface pleaseplease please!”

“Yeah, you want that?” He leaned forward to really put his back into it, determined to push the tip of his cock into the back of Hux’s throat through his asshole. If that was a thing? Fuck. 

“I’m gonna stuff you so full,” said Major Daddy. Kylo could do that. He could fill up this- Kylo checked his mental notes from the hours of amateur porn- fill up this hot twink! He was stuffing Hux so full so fucking full- 

“oh godohgodohgoddddd” Kylo pulled his wet cock out of Hux and desperately tried to angle it so that-  


“On my face!” Hux opened his mouth, for added emphasis. Kylo did his best to aim, but it’s hard when your eyes are closed. 

“Fuck, arrghhhhh” Kylo groaned. His hand moved quickly along his shaft while he pumped load after load in Hux’s direction.   


“You’re so hot when you come,” Hux groaned. His hand was between his legs now. “You’re going to make me come, don’t stop”. 

Kylo couldn't stop if he tried. His breaths were ragged. His exertion reached the breaking point and he groaned as a thick load dripped out of his cock. He thought it was over, but his dick kept going. This was the big one, babey.  


Hux’s back arched, and a blast of come landed right across his lips. Kylo watched Hux touch himself through his orgasm. Which made Kylo come even harder. Yes that’s possible.  


"Kylo, fuck, you made me come-"

"Yeah," Kylo groaned. The last few watery loads dripped out of his spent cock over the General. He grabbed the base of his dick, victorious. 

Hux writhed on the desk covered in wet, sticky, everything. So much. He smoothed his hands across his chest where webs of come criss crossed his pecs.   


"Fuck Kylo," his hand ceased between his legs, leaving him room to breathe through the aftershocks. 

The blissed-out aftermath was way more tender than Kylo expected. It started with poor amateur porn but ended somewhere else entirely. 

“I’d do that again,” Hux risked through the hiss of the shower. Kylo faced the wall without answering. The bathroom was perfectly suited for some cheesy sequel: “First Order Boys: Squeaky Clean” or whatever the fuck. Everything seemed like the setup for another sequel now. 

Kylo settled himself against Hux’s body. Maybe the newfound novelty of sex wasn’t a bad thing. By regular standards he spent a lot of time thinking about it already. His control group for this sample was the Finalizer’s crew. Any group of people stuck in isolation for long period of time were given to inappropriate thinking. Some more than others. However, even the stray thoughts he heard from the crew were nothing compared to the filth in his own head. 

The bed felt different after sex. More comfortable? If that’s a thing at all. Kylo felt Hux’s chest rise. He was falling into warm after-sex fatigue. These few moments before one or both of them fell asleep were usually the moments where they said that real deep shit. No other time of the day (or night) was as vulnerable. In their own unspoken rules these thoughts were kept sacred and not subject to the scrutiny that they faced in the rest of their lives. It was a “safe place”. 

“Me too,” Kylo whispered. “I’d do it again.”

**Author's Note:**

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